I didn't mean to.
I didn't mean to ruin the special occasion. I didn't want to have a mental breakdown in the restaurant and cause a huge scene. I didn't mean to get hysterical and cry and scream and collapse and black out and lose consciousness and have a panic attack. I didn't want to have to be given a sedative to calm down just so I could remember how to function and be human again.
What the fuck is wrong with me?